Something I hear fairly often whenever there’s a conversation about mental health, especially in regards to struggling with it, is “Reach out if you need anything!”. I think the sentiment and the intent behind the phrase comes from a good place, but I also think it can put the onus of asking for help on the person who’s already struggling.
If you’re already struggling to get out of bed, shower, feed yourself, to just meet your basic needs, the idea of reaching out can either seem impossible, or perhaps it won’t even cross your mind. I know that even on my best days I don’t always send a text to people I care about because I don’t want to risk bothering anyone. It’s difficult to parse that you are not too much when asking for help is involved. Even if you are aware that you need help, it can still be hard to work out what to ask for in response to a statement like “Let me know if you need anything!”.
So herein lies the idea of “Reaching In”. During the times you feel stable, and your cup feels full enough to pour into someone else’s, check in with your loved ones, then try to go one step further. Offer specific acts or help. Instead of saying “Let me know if you need anything” I try to offer to take something off their plate. “I can pick up some groceries for you”, “Do you want me to take out your trash when I go home?”, “Do you want me to send that email/do that admin so there’s one less thing on your plate?”. It seems so simple, but it’s not something we always think to do. I’m also a big fan of sitting side by side with a friend while we colour in silence.
At times, especially when someone feels like they’re drowning, it’s hard to know what to ask for, or to even ask for anything at all. It’s much easier to offer help than to ask for it. Reach in, grab your friend by the hand and let them know you’re there.